Tuesday, April 30, 2013

honestly...

It's been quiet here for a while, and I'm not entirely sure why.  I've just had the entire month of April off for the most part and have spent the majority of my days enjoying my time alone in my apartment. I thought for sure I'd have tons to blog about especially with this new found time of mine... But no, the hours wore on, and the days flew past, and all of a sudden I'm right at the end of my month away. Why have I been so absent here?

I think it's because I'm afraid to write.

Let me start over... the other day I was enjoying a particularly good date night with the mister, and we found ourselves sitting in a cafe on one of Sydney's busiest streets. Sipping on coffee and enjoying the yummiest banana split I'd had in a while, I began to complain about... well myself. I was frustrated that I had all this time to write and nothing was coming to me. I knew deep down that I was avoiding my blog like the plague, but I couldn't figure out why.

You see, I've been writing in a public space for over 10 years now. I started with xanga and after a long love affair worked my way to tumblr. There, I wrote and I wrote and I wrote nearly every day about anything. Anything. I found it freeing. But around this time last year, I started to fall out of love with the site and looked for some place "more mature" some place where I could start a fresh, get rid of all my teenage angsty posts and write more like the bloggers I aspired to be. Bloggers like her, and her and them.

I got bogged down in making my site look more "professional" and writing content that I thought people wanted to read. I started categorizing my posts and discussing my outfits and trying to keep up with a sort of schedule. While YES these things absolutely work for many amazing bloggers out there, I've found it doesn't work for me. I've had years and years of posts that I can look back on and know exactly where I was in that time of my life and exactly how I felt. But this past year? This past year of blogs have been the furthest from personal and meaningful I can get. It saddens me.

So now what? To be honest I'm not sure. I know that things definitely need to start changing around here, and I need to focus much less on what readers think (are there even any of you?) and focus much more on how I feel. I need to write good content that is important and meaningful to me. I need to rehash and refocus and bring this place the same authenticity I had in other blogs past... even if that means dropping the photo content significantly. (I've never been good at that!)

Fingers crossed...

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